Friday, January 30

Overhaul


Firstly, I should apologise; this is going to be one of those 'stream of conciousness' posts, where I don't say much, but take a little while to get there. No doubt terribly boring for you, but always incredibly helpful for me.

I've been in desperate need of an overhaul, the problem is for the past few months I haven't been entirely sure what I wanted to overhaul. Generally speaking I hate change, I like the comfort and reassurance of things being exactly as I left them - unmoved and unaffected by time. Unfortunately at the moment the constant in me is the need to change, to reboot and rethink. My life feels a little 'trial and error' as I remove, then reintroduce, things into it until the unexplainable stirring stops.

An avid fan of not joining in, not meeting new people and not leaving the house; I'm tentatively stepping out of my shell by joining workshops, going to yoga more often and talking to people in public - it's a revelation. It's also strangely comforting to meet more people who also feel like they are trying to find something, treading water until something works. At first the word 'flailing' came to mind, but as time goes on, I'm pretty convinced that's not the case, the more aware I am of my uncertainty, the more confident I feel (I'm 98% sure that's not a Spiderman quote).


 

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